Sunday, February 19, 2012

What sound does a dog make?

Y: Why am I really stressed?
A: For reasons unknown.
Y: Do i have stress problems?
A: I have stress problems.
E: Tell me about that
Y: I don't have a lot of work this week, I'm just stressed.
E: Is it about a girl?
Y: I would end up hating her.
E: Why would you end up hating her?
Y: I would just end up hating her, it would just happen if I dated her.
E: Why would that happen?
Y: It would just inevitably happen. I'm not saying that i would hate everybody, I would just hate her. I'm a dick. Uhhh, i just know that she would start bothering me.
E: What would bother you?
Y: Everything.
E: Tell me about your childhood. Did you have a happy childhood? What's your earliest memory?
Y: A family photo on the front porch.
A: You rambled that off quickly. I wouldn't know what to say if someone asked me that.
Y: People always ask...
E: I've asked him about it before. What do you remember from that?
Y: I think i was 2. Yeah, I must have been like 2. I only remember that image.
A: Maybe you remember it because of the photo. 
Y: No, I've never seen the photo. If it wasn't that it would be Disney World when the waiter gave me ice in my fucking milk. Have i told you this?
Y: I was 5 foot as a freshman in high school.
E: I was 5 foot in high school.
Y: Yes, but I was a guy and I also had an obnoxiously high voice
E: Aw, Yuri went through puberty.
Y: Nothing like my cousins who's balding and started shaving when hes was 10
E: My friend had a beard in 6th grade. He'll shave in the morning and have 5 o clock shadow by 6...he's super jewish, but hes a stoner so it works.

Y: First thing, wow, I am going to sounds ike a dick.
E: I think I know.
Y: What do you think?
E: No, I want you to say it.
Y: First, she became a fucking vegan. Stupid as shit. I would get so pissed off. Second, she's too much. Over the top happy all the time. Too much enthusiasm. It's attractive, but it would piss me off after while. She's horribly bad at math, like to the point it's embarrassing. She couldnt add the dice. Like 6 and 5 11. Embarrassing. I would piss her off. She strikes me as prude. She's never gone past kissing. I told you, I am going to sound like a massive dick. What were you going to say?
E: Something about you being smarter kinda. Sorta what you said.
Y: No, shes smart, like she goes to a good school, but shes not an intellectual. We have different interests.

E: Whats your happiest memory? 
Y: I dont know.
A: That's a vague question, but i guess I could name 3 or 5.
Y: Whats yours?
A: Playing lion king on my hill. I was Mufasa and my sister was Scar and then I'd tumble down the hill.
E: Nora and I would play on the slide. Only I would always die.
Y: I didn't see lion king until I was 16.

A: What are you doing? Valentines!?
E: No, you're going to have to sign this.
A: What is it?
E: My certificate.
Y: You're a shitty therapist